When I was presented with the Reality Blogger Award last week I was asked if I would like a cartoon character based on me and if I would change anything. In my answer I stated that sometimes I hate the sound of my own voice as I use it to opine too much, and sometimes what I say is so predictable. Yup, it’s so obvious that my response to this prompt is ….. nothing.
I wouldn’t want to erase anything from my life.
My life hasn’t been perfect, I’ve had a lot of heart ache, pain, upheaval, confusion… but every single experience has shaped me into who I am today.
I’m quite lucky to say that most of the bad shit happened before the age of 17. I made some pretty bad decisions, got caught up in some nonsense, and didn’t appreciate those close to me. I remember moving to Paisley when I was 17 and feeling emotionally f00ked up, with no direction and no real hope. I went to a Fortune Teller who told me that I had experienced more hurt and pain in my first 17 years than I would for the rest of my life. What a strange statement, but it is one that I take extreme solace and comfort in! I’m not even sure if I really believe in fortune tellers, but at the time I needed something, and her words still resonate within me.
At 17, I was still easily influenced and not really developed. Moving away from my home town by myself could have ended up in a number of ways. Thankfully I met some nice people, partied hard, lived life and cherished friendships. I have no doubt that I am meant to be here, and I would never have dreamed of moving to P Town had circumstances been different (not bad). I definitely wouldn’t have had the balls!
EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Have you ever sat with your friends talking about how if ‘x’ never happened then there wouldn’t be ‘y’? I love doing that, it puts my life path into perspective. Even during the times when I felt as though I didn’t know where I was heading; I must have done, on some level. Or else all of these positive things and people wouldn’t be in my life now.
Looking externally though, I would love to change things for other people. I wish my friend hadn’t got cancer, I wish my man hadn’t been stabbed… I don’t like thinking about those that I love experiencing anything negative AT ALL, but like me these people pull their socks up, deal with it and move on learning something from the experience. I have faith that our network of support makes it easier, which is the next best thing to it not happening at all.
During the difficult times it’s difficult (!) to see the wood from the trees, but as I’m older, and a teeny bit wiser, I know that this is intrinsically how I feel, and when I feel sad I remind myself that.. I KNOW.
Here is another one of those guilty pleasure tunes of mine: