In a comfortable social setting with my friends and family, I’m a bit of a loud mouth. Hopefully not in an ‘in your face’, offensive, way. I always have a lot to say and similarly I’m always up for a good time, so it’s not unusual for me to be instigating some shenanigans, or asking people to dance with me.
When I meet people that I hardly know I often wish I was invisible and they hadn’t seen me, as this impromptu social interaction often makes me cringe, right through. I mumble, I stutter, I look awkward, I feel awkward and I probably make the other person feel awkward too! I still don’t get why this is, as I love a good natter with strangers! I guess I worry what people who kind of know me will think about me, more so than I do about strangers. Weird, yet it is what it is.
A change in dynamics
I went to Sardinia in May for Marco’s birthday, with 9 other members of his family. It was a brilliant holiday, as chilled out as you can get with a bunch of performers. He is from a family of talented performers (musicians and actresses) and someone is always up to something.
Oh, you can do a hand stand? Well, I can do one and walk! Really? I can walk further!
There was always something like this going on. Some song or other being sung, or a short film being made. Not in a competitive or show off manner… it is just who they are. Everyone is talented and they constantly want to challenge that talent, or experiment with and take advantage of it in a fun way.
It was weird for me to look back at the holiday and realise that I was the quiet one. Me!! What a shift in group dynamics – this has hardly ever happened! Sometimes when I’m around people who are self-assured and confident, I silently doubt my own self worth and feel a bit nervous about piping up, in-case my tuppence worth isn’t good enough. I KNOW how absurd this is, especially when I am around confident people who are also super welcoming and understanding… yet it is another one of those human foibles that I have.
Never mind, it was quite refreshing to be on the sideline as a spectator, and I still had a good time.